Busy busy busy busy days. Which I like. But ’tis also exhausting when you’re fighting the H1N1 (ok I don’t actually know that I have that but I call it that mmmk).
So nothing in brain.
September 29, 2009
Brain fried.
I’m sick and it sucks. I need extra ultra super power energy right now and instead I’ve got nothin. Just a stupid cold but it’s kind of knocking me down. Trying to train a new person at work, added to month end, added to year end. I guess I could really only go on for so long at the current pace before I caught a bug. hmpf.
If you feel sorry enough for me, you are welcome to come and fill in the empty spots in our fence. I’d bring a beer out for you. The posts are up so it will be pretty easy since that’s the hardest part…I look forward to seeing your progress.
3 more days at current job and then next week I start my new job. Would love to have a week off in between to gather the pieces of myself that are spread out in random places, but it’s not in the cards this time. That’s ok…I’m just freakishly happy about the change.
September 25, 2009
I think I’m losing it. This is not big news. But I think I’m losing it. That, or aliens are messing around with me. Yesterday at lunch I went home and saw 2 signs on Circle Dr. that said something about the speed limit being patrolled by air craft. 2 signs. At 3:00 yesterday afternoon, I was on Circle Dr. again and there were NO SIGNS, just posts where the signs were at noon. What the?
September 23, 2009
Soooooo I got a new job people. This guy is now my superhero (don’t tell him that). He got me a job here. I’m totally stoked. The job thing has been a problem for me for a while…this one has served its purpose, which was a paycheque, but it also sucks the life RIGHT OUT OF ME. Even knowing that it was temporary wasn’t enough, because there was still no end in sight and I had no idea where to even start looking. And then this other job came out of the blue and fell right into my lap. That’s all I will say about it at this point. It’s really a much bigger deal to me than just being about the job itself. As I have said, I have hope again…this is connected to a lot of stuff in my little old brain and some of my analyzing of things has been put to rest for a while. So, none of it feels real right now, but in another couple weeks it will feel very real! It was really hard telling my boss at work, but that is now over with and I can breathe a bit easier. Hard to find someone good for the job on such short notice. Finding someone good is verrrry important to me, as I’m going to continue doing the books and I rely heavily on the office administrator. So hopefully something works out.
In other news, it’s my birthday today people. It doesn’t feel like a birthday. I guess that happens as you get older. It feels like Sept. 23, 2009. Bleh. A friend took me out for lunch and that was great, and tonight I think I am choosing to do nothing, which – for this 100% introvert who has had a LOT of people time lately - is great. That’s the thing – the hubby keeps asking me what I want to do for my birthday. BE ALONE that’s what I want to do 
Which makes it hard on him, I think, because doing nothing doesn’t feel like he’s doing something special for me on my birthday, but that is seriously all I want this year. Last year I was in Kenya on a SAFARI with people I love on my birthday, for crying out loud. This year, staying at home is good enough!
September 20, 2009
It’s a mixed bag lately my friends. Here is an example of the kind of things that are making me crazy right now. But there is exciting change on the horizon that is balancing the other crappy stuff. It’s ideal when the crappy stuff comes at you with some awesome stuff. All in all it feels like life is flying past, like I can’t keep up with all of the changes. It’s just one thing after another, no time to breathe and BAM another new thing. That’s ok though…I would say I prefer fast life over slow life. I think this will just be a season, slow life is probably coming soon. Learn to enjoy it all, right? Learn joy no matter what the circumstances. Hmmmmm
September 17, 2009
Another thing I hate almost as much as the kleenex box situation is bangs in my eyes. Or even close to my eyes. Can’t handle it people. The weird thing is that I don’t notice it’s happening until it’s too late and I get super irritated and all of a sudden I’m looking in a mirror over a sink with scissors in my hand cutting my bangs. <sigh> It’s another one of these irrational things of mine…I can transform myself into Lloyd Christmas in a very short amount of time. However, I’ve learned some really great bang cutting moves, and I think I’m getting better. My hairdresser and I have had many conversations about this…every time I go I hope she doesn’t notice I cut my own bangs, but somehow she always notices. We’re at a place where she understands my problem and is trying to work with me…I might even get a pair of those thinning scissors so I can do a better job myself I do know that the scissors I have at work DO NOT WORK. Things go really sideways reeeeally fast when I use the work scissors. Anyway…all of that to say…I feel an impulsive compulsive trimming of the bangs coming on…I should consider starting some kind of support group for people who trim their own hair and shouldn’t butcan’tstopthemselves.
“Bangs” is a weird word.
September 16, 2009
Ok, need to rant. I don’t think I’ve done this for a long time…which is unusual. I don’t know how many times I need to say that I HATE KLEENEX TISSUE BOXES. This would appear to be one of those things I cannot let go. I had yet another frustrating experience this morning…trying to buy kleenex tissue for an office and all of the boxes are absolutely ridiculous. Spaceships? no thanks. Pink and purple flowers? nope. How about just a bunch of circles that a 2 year old drew in colors that don’t match. ummm no. This is truly rage inducing people. I’ve been told that there are some new designs coming out…I have even checked them out on the websites…but seriously where can I get them. NOWHERE. NO.WHERE. How hard is this people. Who is the person that thought that making hideous kleenex tissue boxes would be the way to go. WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS. And why does every company seem to suck just as much. grr grr grr. What a simple thing to make nice…seriously, a plain brown box would be nicer than 99.9% of what’s out there. LEMME AT ‘EM. I’m sick of staring at a shelf of kleenex tissue, trying to pick the best TERRIBLE option, and then getting frustrated, muttering to myself, and walking away mad. Maybe it’s not a nice kleenex tissue box I need…maybe it’s counselling.
September 15, 2009
Hmmmmmm. What to talk about. The brain is a bit all over the place today. So this might just be one of those stream-of-consciousness type posts…<gulp> Never know what I’m getting myself into when I do that
So, unpacking is going alright. We’re not super intense about it this time, which is not how we normally are. We usually want every single box unpacked within 2 days of moving in. I think we’re just so happy to be there that we can put up with a lot more of a disaster than normal. Speaking of disaster, our place is a whoooole lot muddier after the rain yesterday. This is one of those absolutely irrational stressors for me – living in a mud pit with dogs. I say dogS because it just so happened at the worst timing ever that we are looking after my brother’s brother’s wife’s dog. Who has big, big paws. Which collect lots and lots of dirt and mud. Dogs go out, mud comes in. And repeat. I seriously have a physical reaction to this sometimes…like I can feel my blood pressure rising. Rational? No. But it’s my reality right now. I think back to Kenya and try to use some of that experience to tame this ugly beast. In a city in Canada you see almost no dirt, unless you live in a new area. There is street, sidewalk, grass, house…no dirt. It’s SO CLEAN compared to Kenya where there is dirt everywhere. When we were there the ol’ standards of clean had to drop many notches in order to stay anywhere clost to sane. Like to even be in a spot where we could poke sanity with a stick and call out to it and say hi and tell it we missed it. Mmmmyeah. So anyhoo, mud is hard to deal with. And I annoy myself when I’m this way about things that in the end do not matter. Like seriously self, get it together.
Hmmmmm what else. Have been given hope lately which is keeping me going for now. Nothing may come of the situation but it’s been fun thinking outside of the small box of my life. It’s good to remember what I’m about, what I want to be doing, that this is not all there is, that there are more possibilities. Need to be thinking about the possibilities instead of just staying stuck in my job rut. I’m taking the easy path right now, and in my experience, easy does not = growth. Easy = slowly…rotting…away… So we’ll see! Something’s gotta give, and it just might give sooner than I thought.
That’s about it for now I guess. More floating thoughts but must get something done…catch ya later.
September 10, 2009
There is much going on in life, and yet nothing going on in life. There seems to be much going on in the lives of those I love dearly and so my thoughts and – if you can believe it, my prayers – are occupied with that. None of which is bloggable blogable bloggable. (hard to know how to spell non-words) I’m just recognizing again how hard it is to accept help and generosity, for me and for others. It’s like saying I’m weak, I can’t do this alone…WHICH IS TRUE. We are weak, we cannot do this alone, and we need the help and generosity of others to get through. But our culture and our pride and who knows what else gets in the way. This culture that tells us we’re not good enough if we can’t do it on our own. PLEASE. So, for someone who wants to help and who wants to give, it is difficult when people don’t accept. And it gets tiring trying to think of ways to do and give secretly so that people have no choice but to accept. Growth comes from giving, and from receiving. Community is stunted when we don’t receive. A gift is taken away from the giver when what they are giving is refused. I have a hard time receiving and so I know exactly how humiliating or shameful it can feel when you accept the help of others. Sometimes it just feels plain awkward and weird. Growth comes from weirdness people. … And oh, we would never ask for help or time or money or anything because we would never want to interfere with the lives of others or be an inconvenience, because we know people are busy blah blah…I can’t STAND these ideas people. They get my blood a-boilin’. I think that these ideas are damaging to community and to relationships and to ourselves. I’m tired of believing the lies and not asking people for help (this is not some weird cry for help here…by the way). I’m tired of people not asking me for help. I’m tired of people refusing help even when what is being offered is exactly the thing that is needed. I could go on and on and on here…bottom line? Ask for resources. And then accept them. DO IT. Ask for help. And then receive it. I, for one, have so much respect for people who #1 – can say I need help, and then #2 – can accept what is offered. How can we possibly inch towards true community when the giving and the receiving are blocked.
September 8, 2009
I’m still here. Still alive. Not much blogging going on lately because I can barely think straight. Apparently there are only so many days where you can have intestinal war before you start feeling spacey. The war is slowing down, however, and this is very very good news. WHEW.
Long weekend was ok. Mainly wasted with being sick. It was particularly hard to come back to work this morning. I don’t think it will be long before I get totally desperate for change. I will continue trying my best to talk myself through it and just keep going because I don’t really have any better ideas right now. But if anyone out there knows anyone who’s looking, let me know. I’m pretty handy to have around. Just need flexibility and I could probably last quite a while. No flexibility means I’m not stayin’ for long.
That’s about it. Nothing of any real significance floating around in the brain this morning.
