July 27, 2009

Ok, so this blog isn’t getting updated very often…I know, I know.  It’s annoying when people have blogs but only post one time a year.  I’ve realized that I need an outlet for my thoughts sometimes but not all the time.  And that’s where I get stuck and feel like quitting altogether when I go through a major dry phase in my blog thoughts.  But I know that if I quit a day will come when I think CRAP why did I quit that blog…now I have to start another one.  Right now it seems like all I have to say on here is – I hate moving, I’m sick of hospitals, and life is really weird.  So here’s your daily dose of the same old thing:

I hate moving.  I love change.  I hate the complete and total CHAOS that results from a move.  And at this point I feel like I have no home, nowhere to just relax and be peaceful.  I know – I’ll survive.  I just don’t like it.  Right now the current house is out of control, and I have no where to go where I will have my own peaceful space for over a month.  People live in back alleys, so I’m 99% sure I’ll be ok in the cement basement.  It’s just not my first choice, being the spoiled white girl that I am.  My spine feels like it’s going to crumble apart because of all the boxes that have been lifted.  I’ve had a lot of crackers and canned tuna to eat because we have no appliances.  I would definitely not do well if forced to go completely green and not have my creature comforts.  At least there’s still the hot shower.

I do still hate hospitals, but at the current time no one in my life is in one.  Thank goodness.  They let dad out Saturday afternoon with strict orders not to do anything or go anywhere.  Apparently he had a collapsed lung and fluid around the other one, and pneumonia in both.  I need to google this stuff…don’t know much about the lungs or why one would collapse.  I guess his body is just kind of messed up from the whole heart thing.  Speaking of which, his heart is enlarged right now (gotta google that one too), apparently from all of the stress his body has been under.  Seems like a ticking time bomb.  :/

Aaaand life is, indeed, weird.  I can’t shake the feeling that this life is all just a diorama…it’s not real, it’s just props.  Nothing that I see is real.  It’s not what matters.  There are obviously still things going on in this life that matter, and will matter forever, but the things I see are nothing.  Most of what I spend my time doing (i.e. moving) or planning (i.e. blinds for new house) or thinking about (i.e. how to do dirt control at the new house, which is in the middle of a big pile of dirt) – it’s all of no importance.  Must…focus…on…what…matters.  My attention has GOT to stop being funneled into the temporal.

YES February 13, 2009

I finally figured out how to disable those fricking snapshots on my site that drove me CRAZY!  Small victory.

I’ll stop blogging about blogging soon… June 3, 2008

I have to admit that I almost packed this blog in, but lo and behold I received a comment!  There’s at least one person out there who stops by here every once in a while.  Although blogging helps me reflect and process, it’s also about communicating with people and if no one’s reading, then there’s no point.  Not that I always have stuff to say that’s worth reading!  It’s just a fun way for me to communicate and have a different kind of community.  Probably doesn’t make sense to a lot of people, but that’s ok.  I remember the good ol’ days when lots of my friends were blogging…I need to figure out a way to make that happen again.  Come on people, if you enjoy this kind of thing, i.e. sharing thoughts as insignificant as you think they may be, then get at ‘er!  A relatively safe and harmless distraction from the daily grind…

I’m Alive People! May 6, 2008

Well, I have obviously been away from my blog for a while.  Life has taken a bit of a toll on me lately – or is it me who has taken a bit of a toll on me lately? – and with that comes a brain dead Jackie who can’t even put a sentence together.  I think I’m coming out of one of the darkest stages of my life to date.  WOO!  Don’t want to get too excited or anything…I am cautiously excited and filled with hope.  I ALMOST even feel like myself again.  So if anyone actually stops by here at all anymore, HI   My intentions to get the blog fired up again are good.  Now let’s hope these intentions translate into action this time.

October 28, 2007

I’m trying this WordPress thing out, and I really like it so far.  Except for one thing…and that is “Categories.”  It freaks me out.  I could just skip the categories thing, but since the option is there I feel like I should try it.  Hmmm what category does this post go in?  Well, since I have the “blogging” category I guess I’ll stick it there…

“Are you starting another blog?” October 27, 2007

The answer is yes. Yes I am. That was Greg’s question for me when he noticed me setting this thing up. After answering him in the affirmative, he asked “Why?” Well, that’s a good question, and the answer is quite long and involved and probably boring. Short answer – because I like blogging. It gets me thinking about stuff more for whatever reason. It’s kind of “therapeutic” for me, even if most of my posts are about nothing. And (lots of you are going to cringe) it is a form of community for me. I miss blogging and the fact that I’m interested again is a good sign for me. When I’m not writing anything it usually means my brain is not good, or my life is not good, or both. Usually they go together for me. In the last week I’ve starting feeling more and more like myself again. WOO HOO. I think I’m BACK…getting there anyway! So, let’s see how this all goes. I’m not making any lofty promises, but I feel good about this right now. Ya, I’m also a “P” so the motivation could be TOTALLY fleeting.